When faced with uncertainty, a favorite teacher of mine taught me three questions: what do I need, what do I want, and what am I willing to do to get it. In these last few weeks, I find that even more uncertainty than usual has arrived on my doorstep. Or rather, the same familiar uncertainties which have been visiting me for as long as I can remember have come calling again, and seems to have grown since its last visit. Or perhaps it appears bigger because it is closer?
As usual, the greatest of uncertainties appear to involve the relationships I feel drawn towards. As if my life were not yet uncertain enough, I continue to cultivate friendships with those around me. I care, perhaps dangerously so, about people whom I do not fully understand, about people who do not fully understand me or the world I inhabit, and about situations not of my making and circumstances that are not mine.
Although, at the rate things are progressing, I may not have to worry about relationships. I seem to have become an embodiment of fears and misunderstanding. People I have been acquainted with for years have been acting strangely, spreading rumors that would almost be funny... if they weren't taken seriously by people who don't have any basis to determine the truth.