I sit beyond the world's end, surrounded by thoughts, in a place built mostly out of thought, accused of meddling in affairs that did not concern me. Little do they know... if I had no concern, I would not have been gotten involved, been a part of things, for as many years as I've been in Grenoble. The key word, the key idea that they keep coming back to is... meddling. And they can give me no absolutes as to what constitutes meddling.

Unfortunately, life comes with neither an instruction booklet nor a meddle gauge. It seems that obtaining permission to act on another's behalf from that person is no longer enough, nor is the request of a friend on behalf of another... even when that friend speaks on behalf of his house, regarding aid to a member of his house. Or, perhaps, the concern that some may have is that my actions interfere with their own meddling?

For in retrospect, the strongest accusations seem to have originated from a certain pair of individuals. The misinformation that I confronted directly in public, from a single known source, seems consistent with the so-called secrets that lead up to the blood-hunt. I suspect there to have been a grudge between the mouthpiece of the pair and their alleged traitor.

At any rate, I sit here, in this place beyond the world's end, trying to determine the best road on which to proceed, because I do not think I wish to endure the sight of what that other place has become. Perhaps Crystalline sent all from her Stronghold because she could no longer bear to share her home with what she saw these people becoming? And perhaps now she sleeps because she can no longer bear to watch the darkness overcome what little good is left in our hearts. I cannot speak for her motivations, but I know the darkness has begun to affect me. How much longer, I wonder, can I maintain my vows in a world where kindness and compassion would seem to be crimes?

And Joshua, or his likeness, has come to me with what sounds suspiciously like an ultimatum: withdraw to a safe place, far from the world, and rebuild the world from the ashes of the fire to come, or return to that world and perish. For all his affectation of omniscience, I do not believe that he understood why I am here: I may have about given up on Grenoble. I'm no longer convinced that Grenoble wishes to be saved, nor do I wish to look on Grenoble as it is any time soon. And I fear that if I were to stay in Grenoble much longer, I may well come to hate the city and loathe the creatures of darkness that have made Grenoble their own. Were I to stay within the city of Grenoble, I might well conclude the necessity of conducting a surgical strike against the darkness, according to the prevalent medical protocols for dealing with cancer or gangrene.

Yes, the darkness has grown within me. I seem to have drifted away from the basic tenet that life is life, and life in all of its varied forms is a sacred gift. Where once I asked a vanquished foe if I could help, and restored that which had been taken from her, now I find myself considering the possibilities of mutagenic bio-warfare. It would be so easy to design an Tzimisce anti-virus, disperse it through the water supply to the human populace. From the blood of the humans, the anti-virus would be spread to every vampire which feeds within the city.

Or, perhaps, a different virus, intended for a broader target? It would be simplicity in itself to create nano-bots to alter the human bloodstream; if human blood removed from the normal kirlian field emitted the equivalent of sunlight after a period of an hour or two, I suspect kindred would either figure out an alternative to dining on humans or perish. Inexpensive light-bulbs tuned to the appropriate sunlight portion of the spectrum, emitting the equivalent of sunlight at a fraction of the operating cost of regular incandescent or florescent lighting, would drastically curtail their night mobility. And at that point, perhaps by choice and perhaps by necessity, they would stop meddling in HUMAN affairs.

That I would even consider the possibility is an indication that I need some distance to allow the resentments to cool. I would best describe my feelings as hurt, betrayed, and resentful.

Admittedly, those allies I had recently considered friends are fighting a war. Even if they're my friends, if it's not self defense, it's not my war. That I would then consider a cumulative-dose virus to cure Grenoble of a cancer which has gnawed at the heart of the city for years, perhaps even to include my former friends, indicates that I need to get some perspective. And it occurs to me that, for all the conflict, I still don't know what the war is about... or what the other side has to say about the way

The sad truth is that those I might have wished to see from Grenoble, for a variety of reasons, no longer call that darkening place home, and in the strictest sense, I never did consider Grenoble home. In considering my options, I can come up with only three people to which I feel I might still have enough of a significant personal bond to warrant a moment's hesitation or sadness upon leaving: Crystalline, Souxsie, and Valtin. I find i almost funny that Joshua caught the names, but missed entirely the significance of those names: most were no longer numbered among those still living in the city.