Panacea

The Military Cure-All


Life ***

Take two of these now, two more before bedtime, and call me in the morning if symptoms persist.

According to prevailing military medical wisdom, it would seem that acetaminophen and ibuprofen are dietary supplements. All physical ailments can be traced to a traced to a deficiency of these chemicals in the body. Headaches, ear aches, flu symptoms, joint pain, toothache, even cases of high-speed lead poisoning (after the bullet has been removed, of course) can all be treated with a couple of white pills or a gelcap bearing certain trademarked markings.

In all but the most severe cases, symptoms will vanish in anywhere from an hour to overnight.

Focus: Breathing, touch, gel-caps

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