Mega-Coffee, described in certain quarters as "the ultimate biothermonuclear jump-start for your brain", tends to be rather difficult to brew at the best of times. Successfully brewing Mega-Coffee first thing in the morning, before that first cup of Mega-Coffee, is pretty much out of the question.
Fortunately, with Mikkelus' Marvelous Magickal Mega-Coffee Maker, making the perfect mystical mega-brew has never been simpler. By simply adding water and a little Prime for power, this singularly spectacular creation does all the measuring, concentrating, and mixing. With the use of quintessence-charged spring water, even the magicakally inert may brew a perfect pot of the life-giving brew.
Conjunctional Life, Time, Matter, and Prime grow the requisite number of perfect coffee beans. Careful application of Forces then dries the beans and French-roasts them. At the exact critical moment to capture the full essence of the roasted bean, Force then pulverizes the beans and forces live steam through the grounds. Correspondance and Time simultaneously cycle the brew back through the grounds several times to extract all the full-bodied flavor, with Entropy determining the precise optimum moment to stop brewing, as well as the number of cycles to extract the full essence of all the coffee beans. Life then boosts the health level of the drink, raising it to a full point of sustainance in every 6 ounce mug. Time dialation and contraction allows what would be an eighteen month long process to complete in but 36 seconds, with an additional 20 seconds required to decant the Mega-Coffee into samovar or mongo-mug.
Note that this machine, one of Mikkelus' most prized possessions, has never been seen outside the backpack. Unsubstantiated rumor has it that the Environmental Protective Agency, the Department of Energy, and the Nuclear Regulatory Agency have expressed interest in obtaining this device for testing.